Butting In or Butting Out

Would you look at this! A clearly great mom, who is trying to be the best mom is looking for some advice from me, of all people.

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“I’m so glad I found your blog! I’m actually the mom of 20s somethings and really need advice on how and when they may want advice from me! I know wait ‘til they ask, but what if I think it’s necessary and nobody asked? Thanks in advance for your perspective.”

Hi There,

I am so glad you have found my blog too! Thanks for your question, I hope I can be of help.

That being said, I think you are already on the right track. I think all moms want what is best for their children and you are no exception! So, when it comes to giving advice that was not asked for, it means that you are concerned for them or you think you know what is best for them. I am sure in most cases you do know what is best, since you have lived a fuller and longer life than your child. However, your life is, has, and will continue to be different from you child’s. So not every answer that you have found true for your life will be true for them.

In those moments, maybe take a second to think about your apprehension and why you want to speak up and offer advice. Is it because your child is choosing something that is currently socially acceptable, normal even healthy, but was something that would have be considered unacceptable in your youth? Is their decision hurting themselves or other people? Do you think they will be more or less unhappy? Is it immoral and unethical? (Fairly subjective depending on what you believe in.)

After asking yourself those questions, and you still feel the need to offer advice, that they are unsafe or metaphorically walking into the lion’s den, then go ahead butt in and offer advice. I cannot promise you that you will not butt heads, but your words will not fall on deaf ears. They will hear you, even if they do not want to. I am sure they will also be secretly thankful for the input.

Trust me on this one. My own lovely mother, would offer advice (butt in) when necessary, even if it wasn’t sought out. Sure, I was VERY annoyed, but I heard it and I may have even followed it after I chewed on her words a little longer. It was her suggestion, but my choice.

Which leads to my last piece of advice, trust yourself that you raised your 20s somethings to be capable adults, who will make the best decisions for their lives. Of course, they might stumble and fall but that is how they will learn what is true for them and their lives.

I hope that was helpful and offers some insight on how a 20s something might feel. If anyone else has a further suggestions, please let me and this momma know in the comments below.

With Love,

Stephanie

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