I have been living with one of my best friends for 2 years and it’s been great. We have the same living habits, our apartment is in a cute old brownstone in a great neighborhood, and an easy commute to work for the both of us. The only downside is that I have a much smaller room and we pay the same rent. My room is technically part of her room, just with a wall divider, so there isn’t much privacy. This has never been an issue, just more of an inconvenience for me which I’ve never felt was a problem since, I’ve been happy with every other aspect of our living space.
Things started to change when she got a boyfriend last January. Which I understand and is part of life, things change. I started dating my now BF too, and we both spend a lot of time with our boyfriends and MUCH less time together as friends. This is fine, but it’s just been a very different living situation than it was before.
So, anyways, I hadn’t any intention of moving any time soon, but my boyfriend and I were talking about the future, and discussed living together. He recently asked if I would seriously consider moving in with him and I was open to the idea, but hesitant to leave my roommate to fend for herself. I knew I was not ready to move out in the next month or so. I said I would consider it for next year ( This discussion is happening in August/September) when our lease was up at the end of February. On that note, he researched and found some places for us to look at for the future and I was interested. So, one weekend we decided to take a look get a feel for the rental market.
I didn’t tell my roommate we were going to look, because I didn’t want to alarm her. Nothing was set in stone and it was just to see what was out there just for our own research. So, off we went to get ideas. I didn’t tell my roommate and I thought I was doing the right thing by not alarming her.
When we were looking we ended up falling IN LOVE with one of the apartments. As soon as we walked in the apartment, I could picture my life with my boyfriend there. I wasn’t expecting it to happen, but once we saw the place we knew we had to move. Bonus!! – the rent would be the same as my current, but I would be getting SO much more.
After speaking with a leasing agent, she told us a few places were still available and if we were seriously interested, we should put a hold on one of the apartments for March 2018. It all happened so fast, but we felt comfortable committing to a place since we wouldn’t have to move until the end of February. At the time a little less 6 months away.
It was perfect. I was only concerned about leaving my roommate and her having to figure out a new living arrangement. After thinking about it more, I decided that I needed to do what was best for me and my life. Since, the move was 5 months out when I told her, I thought that was enough time to let her know and for her to figure out what to do.
I told my roommate 3 weeks ago that I am moving out in February. She was shocked when I told her, and I don’t know if I was communicating super clearly. It was hard to show my excitement but also my empathy. She said she was upset because she feels like this came out of nowhere, and said she has nowhere to go and doesn’t want to live with anyone else or anywhere else. I offered multiple times to help her look for places or roommates and she said no.
My roommate has now been ignoring me for 3 weeks, and I’ve tried to stay friendly and say good morning and goodnight, but it’s awkward. She literally hasn’t talked to me at all. At this point, I’m not sure what to do. Its awkward and uncomfortable being at my apartment, and I don’t know how to interact with her since she won’t talk. She’s not some random person I’m living with, she was one of my best friends. I didn’t think our friendship was going to end over this, and I don’t necessarily think it is over at this point, but I don’t know how to repair it, or even if it can be repaired. I’m 100% set and excited to move and I feel I’ve offered all I can to help her for the next step. I don’t even talk about my new apartment with someone if she’s home so I don’t hurt her feelings.
Do you have any advice on how to handle the next few months living in this situation or how to mend things with her?? Or should I let the friendship slowly go if this is how things are going to be?
A Frustrated Roommate
First I want to say congrats on that exciting, and big step you are taking with your boyfriend! I am sure you will both be very happy in this next adventure.
Next, I want to say thanks for your question an all the background information you gave. It painted a clear picture for me and I’m sorry that while you are so excited for the next step with your boyfriend, your friendship is suffering. But, I admire you for wanting to mend the fence with your friend. I am not that sure I am as big of a person, especially since she can’t expect you to live with her forever, and 5 months is a crazy generous amount of time for her to get it together (2 months is standard), and you are offering to help her out AND she is acting like an absolute child giving you the silent treatment. Sounds to me like she is the one who needs some advice! But since you asked, I am more than happy to help! =)
That being said, I think there are 2 ways to make to make a difference in the coming months where you can be happier and more comfortable in your home.