To Swipe or Not To Swipe

Dear Stephanie,

I’ve just come across a friend of mine’s boyfriend on a dating app and I don’t know what to do next. All the photos/ bio info are very recent and current. They’ve been dating for a while, so I know for a fact this was updated recently.

She and I aren’t as close as we once were and I worry if I bring it up it wouldn’t be well received. Regardless, I still care about her and obviously want what is best for her.

Should I bring this to her attention or just swipe it away?




Thank you for writing in. Let’s make the bottomline the first line here: You should tell her what you saw, regardless of where your friendship stands. Us ladies have to stick together.

I know some people might argue that you are sticking your nose in somewhere it doesn’t belong, but this is the type of scenario that you have to take a second to think about what you would want if the roles were reversed? If I were your friend, and you came across such a thing, I would want to know immediately. I don’t care if we just had a giant fight, or I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in years, or we are thick as thieves. I would be thankful for the knowledge and glad that someone has my back in a time of such deception. If you were in a similar situation, what would you want?…That’s your answer.

If you end up reaching out to her about what you saw I think there can be 2 outcomes:

  1. The Worst: Her longterm boyfriend is cheating on her in a very public way.
  2. The Best: There is some agreement between them and she is aware he is out there swiping away and things are OK.

So let’s hope for the best, that she is ok, happy and aware of what his going on in her relationship; and that she is glad that she has a friend like you in her corner.

With Love,


If anyone else has different approach, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear your point of view.

10 Replies to “To Swipe or Not To Swipe”

  1. Yeahhhh..I hate to break it to you, but I can tell you from personal experience what’s gonna happen if you tell her; she’ll confront the boyfriend, he’ll deny it, or he’ll come up with some shady excuse for why he did it (he’ll blame it on her). They’ll have a ‘heart to heart’ that ends with a mutual decision that you’re not a ‘real friend’ for essentially trying to break them up, and your friendship will end. Been there. Done it. Don’t think I’d do it again, but that’s just my experience.

    Peace 🙂

  2. I think it’s important to provide the proof, so even if you aren’t on good terms, it’s clear you’re not making it up. Having proof your friend could see is a good way to show her it’s not entirely subjective.

    Good luck!

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