Keeping It Cool

Hi Stephanie,

While out for a very late night snack over the weekend my boyfriend got a call from someone named Liz. And then another, and another. Finally I asked who Liz was and with an eye roll and a sigh he said she was an ex girlfriend who “still calls sometimes”. I’m not really *worried* about it but would like to discuss it while we’re both a little more sober. At the same time I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing. Is it worth bringing it up?

Sincerely,

Trying to be a “Cool” Girlfriend

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Dear Girlfriend,

Thanks for writing in! First, I want to say don’t worry about being the “cool girlfriend”. Of course being a reasonable person is important, but sometimes the cool persona needs to be set aside so you can stick up for yourself and protect yourself. If you’re focused on being the cool girl all the time, are you ever truly being yourself?

Secondly, I would feel the same way, of not wanting to be worried about these calls, because I trust my boyfriend, but my antenna would definitely go up because the circumstances are a little odd. Late night, multiple calls, ex-girlfriend…I would hate it, no matter how cool I am or wanted to be.

Only you will know if you can really trust your boyfriend, but I do think it is a good thing that he was upfront and honest about it when it happened. I would try to let that bring me some ease. That being said, from what you wrote and the fact you even wrote in, says to me that the whole situation still bothers you. So yes, it is worth bringing it up. If you don’t talk about it, it will fester in your mind and turn in to something bigger than it is and lead to mistrust between you and your man.

I don’t think it will be a super uncomfortable conversation. You already know the hard stuff, and you know he’s annoyed by her calling him, which is a good thing. Since you’re not trying to make this an episode of Maurie, I wouldn’t make it a big sit down conversation, that will add a lot of pressure that I don’t think is needed. When you’re running errands or some other low key thing, ask what you want to know regarding this scenario and let him know that this bothers you and that you would prefer if she did not call him late in the night, at the very least. I am sure that you just want confirmation that there is nothing going on between them.

Please let me know how this turns out! I hope for all the best.

With Love,

Stephanie

P.S – I hope you all had a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving.