B.S B.F

Hi There,

Happy New Year, my Readers! I hope you all have had a fun and restful holiday and are ready for your best year yet. I don’t know about you all, but I have such a good feeling about 2019. It is going to be a big and exciting year. Which is why I am so happy that the first post of 2019 is in the original format that I have envisioned for this blog! It just feels like the right way to kick off the year.


Dear Stephanie,

I have a friend who is generally a good guy. However, I hate the way he treats his girlfriend with extreme selfishness, and lack of respect and consideration. For example, if they have plans, he will blow her off without even telling her, leaving her hanging and not even thinking about how she feels. Other times, he has called her degrading names to, in his words, “put her in her place” or to end a discussion. And this is only what I see. I would think it could be worse behind closed doors.

All women deserve to be treated much better than that! I have no romantic interest in her, but I do think she is a good person who deserves to be treated as such. Outwardly, she seems to be ok with the way she is being treated. I know he’s my friend and is good to me,  but I want to tell her that she should break up with him because she deserves better. Would you tell her to leave my friend? Should I tell my friend that I think he should be better? Should I just mind my own business since they are adults?

Thanks,

Conflicted


Dear Conflicted,

Thank you so much for writing in. It is so confusing and frustrating when you see someone you know and love, treating someone he says he loves  doing the exact opposite of what you would expect. It is disappointing, and yes, there is only so much you can do. However, I am sorry to say, your friend is an loser in the relationship department. He’s a selfish, emotional predator who has found someone who he thinks is weak and also thinks  he has permission to treat her however he wants.

I understand your desire to get involved. I would feel the same way. However, based on what you have written, it does not appear that your friend’s girlfriend is in immediate physical danger—even if experiencing emotional abuse. I would not approach her but would approach your friend. Let’s hope and pray that she has her own set of friends that are looking out for her. They should be the ones who should be speaking to her and giving her the support and encouragement necessary to find her voice and her backbone to move on to better relationship.

I DO think you need to tell your friend what is up. He might not like it, and he might get mad and he might not even want to be your friend anymore. However, how can you be friends with someone who treats his loved ones like that? In time, his selfishness will start to affect you, too, or maybe it already has, but you ignore it because you don’t live with this person? In the long run you might be better off, and you still planted a seed that he needs to be a better person to his girlfriend and in general.

It’s likely he is just a big idiot and doesn’t even know how awful he is? He’s gotten away with it over and over again and just thinks it’s acceptable or normal?  If that’s the case the he might be thankful for you opening his eyes. Or just he doesn’t care and knows the way he is and will continue to manipulate his girlfriend if she allows it. If he doesn’t care, then tell him that he is abusive and should not use her and abuse her as he is. He should let her be free so that she can meet someone who respects her and cares for her the way she deserves.

Regardless, whatever you are going to do is not fun, but your heart is in the right place. You are looking out for a person and even your friend, who seriously needs some personal growth. Hopefully they both get the wake up call they need and you can be proud of who you friend is.

With Love,

Stephanie

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