To Swipe or Not To Swipe

Dear Stephanie,

I’ve just come across a friend of mine’s boyfriend on a dating app and I don’t know what to do next. All the photos/ bio info are very recent and current. They’ve been dating for a while, so I know for a fact this was updated recently.

She and I aren’t as close as we once were and I worry if I bring it up it wouldn’t be well received. Regardless, I still care about her and obviously want what is best for her.

Should I bring this to her attention or just swipe it away?




Thank you for writing in. Let’s make the bottomline the first line here: You should tell her what you saw, regardless of where your friendship stands. Us ladies have to stick together.

I know some people might argue that you are sticking your nose in somewhere it doesn’t belong, but this is the type of scenario that you have to take a second to think about what you would want if the roles were reversed? If I were your friend, and you came across such a thing, I would want to know immediately. I don’t care if we just had a giant fight, or I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in years, or we are thick as thieves. I would be thankful for the knowledge and glad that someone has my back in a time of such deception. If you were in a similar situation, what would you want?…That’s your answer.

If you end up reaching out to her about what you saw I think there can be 2 outcomes:

  1. The Worst: Her longterm boyfriend is cheating on her in a very public way.
  2. The Best: There is some agreement between them and she is aware he is out there swiping away and things are OK.

So let’s hope for the best, that she is ok, happy and aware of what his going on in her relationship; and that she is glad that she has a friend like you in her corner.

With Love,


If anyone else has different approach, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear your point of view.

Oh, Brother!

Dear Stephanie,

My brother is 22 and, although he certainly could be doing worse, he has always been the cause of much family contention and isn’t moving in the direction he could/should be.

He recently graduated college and continued right into his MBA at the same school, with no work experience or plan of what he wants, and did not want to answer any questions my family had or take any advice on maybe waiting and getting work experience in the field he thinks he wants to work in first. Leading up to graduation, he did not put much effort into recruiting for jobs he wanted. Once he saw he wasn’t getting any job offers, he just decided to keep going to school. I’m not sure if he really thinks this will help him get a job, seeing as it was really a lack of effort on his part that resulted in him staying in school.

Grad school is not a plan he had or something he ever expressed interest in before, and he did not have a reason (that he told us, at least) for continuing school. From our experience and what many successful people have done, we all agreed it would be better to wait and perhaps have more of a plan before paying for a graduate degree. He didn’t listen to what anyone said and just signed up for the program. He is also at a temp job but not treating it like an opportunity for full-time employment.

He is living with my parents now, which in itself is not a problem, but he has never gotten along with the family very well and doesn’t help around the house, interact with my parents, or even answer their simple questions most of the time. I know it is hard on them because they want to help him out any way they can and he barely speaks to them. Even if they aren’t probing or trying to offer advice, he is unresponsive and doesn’t want to be around them.

We joke about it as a family, but I want to be able to help him out. What can I do to get him to listen, or at least want to have a semi-serious conversation? Do I leave it alone and hope he’s just a (very) late bloomer?


Trying to Help a Brother Out

Dear Trying,

Thanks for writing in. To be quite frank, it sounds like your brother is self-centered and needs to grow up. He’s taking your family’s interest and your parent’s generosity for granted. It must be really frustrating when your whole family is trying to help him but all your getting is the reaction from him that you mention above. However, on the other hand a MBA is never a bad choice; even if he is going about it in an unconventional way and he is unsure of what he wants after he gets his degree. A business degree will always be applicable in any field he will eventually pursue and future employers will take notice. So, I think maybe, cut him a little slack in that area. Just because it is not the exact way you or other people would do it, does not mean it isn’t the right choice for him.

If you still want to have a serious conversation with him about his education, I would approach from the angle of helping him discover what he wants to do after school. I don’t doubt you that he didn’t put the effort into finding a job, but maybe he did not put an effort in because he has not found something that excites him and motivates him. Which, if I am being honest, IS an immature outlook, but an outlook none the less, and one that many many people subscribe to. I would try to have a low pressure, brain storming type conversation about what he likes and wants to do in life. He probably needs some inspiration, and as his sibling, who is better to help him with that? Maybe, it will help you see him in a new light too.

However, the way he is treating your family is unacceptable at his age. Sounds like he needs a real heart to heart (knock upside the head) to be reminded how lucky he is that he can live at home without contributing to the household while pursuing further education and still be a rude person and family member. If I were you, I would remind him constantly how good he has it and that he owes your parents more than a thank you. Obviously, I am no parent but I would also suggest to my own parents to give him a taste of reality. Leave him alone and don’t ask questions but since he has a job, he can pay some rent. He can cook his own meals.  He can buy his own food and he can do his own laundry… Or whatever other benefits he’s getting from living at home. This push in to a faux deep end might accelerate his delayed blooming process and help him and realize that your family has been more just roommates at a boarding house to him.

All in all, I think you should keep talking to and encouraging your brother to be a better person, family member, student and future employee. It could be like talking to a wall for years, but the optimist in me hopes one day he will get it.

With Love,


If anyone else has any other suggestions or a different approach, please leave a comment below.

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Helping a Sister Out

Dear Stephanie,

My sorority sister is bulimic. She came back to school this year and lost tons of weight over the summer.  Everyone is like “yeah you look great” but I think that the compliments just make her more bulimic. I don’t think she throws up every single time she eats, but definitely most of the time. Sometimes she does it when I’m in her dorm room, and she uses the in-suite restroom. She knows I can hear her. One time I tried to say something but she was just like “yeah, I have issues”, and the conversation ended there.

Honestly, I feel like she’s a really dramatic person in general and she’s always seeking some kind of attention. That might make me a bad person, I don’t know, but she clearly has an issue. Also, her boyfriend is Satan, so maybe that has something to do with it? Anyway, it’s not like we are best friends. So I don’t know if I am the best person to help her. I would if I had a solid solution but I don’t. What should I do?


A Worried Sister


Dear   Worried ,

Thank you for sending me your question. I am really sorry to hear about the different struggles that you and your sorority sister are facing. Please keep in mind I am not an expert on eating disorders, but I have done some research to make sure I am giving you the best advice that I can.

That being said, the only person who could come up with a “solid solution”  and strategy for her recovery is a medical professional. In nearly everything I read,  for a person in your position it is best that you continue to be a supportive and understanding friend. As you may know, bulimia, like other eating disorders, is some sort a coping mechanism to feel some type of control over oneself and their lives. There is something bigger going on in their life that they are trying to control through disordered eating. Since, you mention her boyfriend and that he is awful, that could be one of the reasons she is turning to this destructive behavior. His presence in her life may just exacerbate what’s already there. You might not be the first person she would turn to for comfort and advice, but let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk and continue to remind her how great she is without making any mention of her physical appearance.

When the time is right to confront her again, you could again be met with that cavalier attitude, but you also have a chance to plant a seed for recovery. Maybe, check and see if your school has eating disorder support groups? Print the info for her. Let her know what resources exist. I think that time will come sooner rather than later. I feel that she is loudly crying for help. The attention seeking that you mention and the fact that she purges with you in such close quarters, tells me she wants someone to do something with her or for her—or perhaps even confront her and ask if she wants help. When and if you confront her, do it without judgment and criticism and let her know she is not alone.

As for your peers who keep complimenting her appearance, I am sure not everyone thinks she looks amazing. More might agree with you than you think, but it also won’t help your sorority sister if you’re going around trying to rally troops of people who think she looks awful and is ill. That will do way more damage than good. As I said before, keep being a supportive and kind friend and when people are raving about her appearance, you continue to focus on what is inside. Eventually other people, with less tact, will speak up and it will be known most people think she needs help. She will need a friend in that time more than ever.

The advice that I am giving is certainly much easier said than done and would take a lot of patience and kindness to not blurt out that she should get help now, but like I said and according to the professionals’ advice,  this is the best thing you can do for her right now. Last but not least in the event of a medical emergency (if she faints, for example) call 9-1-1 right away and don’t keep any secrets about your sorority sister that could impede her treatment and recovery.

So, I hope this is helpful for you and in turn your sorority sister. If anyone else has a suggestion on how to help both of these girls even further, please leave a comment below.

With Love,


Busting a Move

Dear Stephanie,

I have been living with one of my best friends for 2 years and it’s been great. We have the same living habits, our apartment is in a cute old brownstone in a great neighborhood, and an easy commute to work for the both of us. The only downside is that I have a much smaller room and we pay the same rent. My room is technically part of her room, just with a wall divider, so there isn’t much privacy. This has never been an issue, just more of an inconvenience for me which I’ve never felt was a problem since, I’ve been happy with every other aspect of our living space.

Things started to change when she got a boyfriend last January. Which I understand and is part of life, things change. I started dating my now BF too, and we both spend a lot of time with our boyfriends and MUCH less time together as friends. This is fine, but it’s just been a very different living situation than it was before.

So, anyways, I hadn’t any intention of moving any time soon, but my boyfriend and I were talking about the future, and discussed living together. He recently asked if I would seriously consider moving in with him and I was open to the idea, but hesitant to leave my roommate to fend for herself. I knew I was not ready to move out in the next month or so. I said I would consider it for next year ( This discussion is happening in August/September) when our lease was up at the end of February. On that note, he researched and found some places for us to look at for the future and I was interested. So, one weekend we decided to take a look get a feel for the rental market.

I didn’t tell my roommate we were going to look, because I didn’t want to alarm her. Nothing was set in stone and it was just to see what was out there just for our own research. So, off we went to get ideas. I didn’t tell my roommate and I thought I was doing the right thing by not alarming her.

When we were looking we ended up falling IN LOVE with one of the apartments. As soon as we walked in the apartment, I could picture my life with my boyfriend there. I wasn’t expecting it to happen, but once we saw the place we knew we had to move. Bonus!! – the rent would be the same as my current, but I would be getting SO much more.

After speaking with a leasing agent, she told us a few places were still available and if we were seriously interested, we should put a hold on one of the apartments for March 2018. It all happened so fast, but we felt comfortable committing to a place since we wouldn’t have to move until the end of February. At the time a little less 6 months away.

It was perfect. I was only concerned about leaving my roommate and her having to figure out a new living arrangement. After thinking about it more, I decided that I needed to do what was best for me and my life. Since, the move was 5 months out when I told her, I thought  that was enough time to let her know and for her to figure out what to do.

I told my roommate 3 weeks ago that I am moving out in February. She was shocked when I told her, and I don’t know if I was communicating super clearly. It was hard to show my excitement but also my empathy. She said she was upset because she feels like this came out of nowhere, and said she has nowhere to go and doesn’t want to live with anyone else or anywhere else. I offered multiple times to help her look for places or roommates and she said no.

My roommate has now been ignoring me for 3 weeks, and I’ve tried to stay friendly and say good morning and goodnight, but it’s awkward. She literally hasn’t talked to me at all. At this point, I’m not sure what to do. Its awkward and uncomfortable being at my apartment, and I don’t know how to interact with her since she won’t talk. She’s not some random person I’m living with, she was one of my best friends. I didn’t think our friendship was going to end over this, and I don’t necessarily think it is over at this point, but I don’t know how to repair it, or even if it can be repaired. I’m 100% set and excited to move and I feel I’ve offered all I can to help her for the next step.  I don’t even talk about my new apartment with someone if she’s home so I don’t hurt her feelings.

Do you have any advice on how to handle the next few months living in this situation or how to mend things with her?? Or should I let the friendship slowly go if this is how things are going to be?


A Frustrated Roommate


Dear Frustrated,

First I want to say congrats on that exciting, and big step you are taking with your boyfriend! I am sure you will both be very happy in this next adventure.

Next, I want to say thanks for your question an all the background information you gave. It painted a clear picture for me and I’m sorry that while you are so excited for the next step with your boyfriend, your friendship is suffering. But, I admire you for wanting to mend the fence with your friend. I am not that sure I am as big of a person, especially since she can’t expect you to live with her forever, and 5 months is a crazy generous amount of time for her to get it together (2 months is standard), and you are offering to help her out  AND she is acting like an absolute child giving you the silent treatment. Sounds to me like she is the one who needs some advice! But since you asked, I am more than happy to help! =)

That being said, I think there are 2 ways to make to make a difference in the coming months where you can be happier and more comfortable in your home. 

1. If I were you, I would take a second to think about why she is so surprisingly upset? My first impression is that she is she is hurt that you did not tell her about this exciting news in your life, until after you signed your new lease. She felt excluded. Perhaps, she doesn’t even realize that things have changed? It might have been an abrupt wake up call for her to realize things are different now. That on top of the relatively small annoyance of figuring out a new living situation, is why she is so upset. I don’t think this is your fault, you are allowed to keep things between you and your partner until you feel the time is right. It is part of growing in a relationship. (I personally find your timing to be generous. 5 months is a lot of time to solve a small problem.)
But anyway, if you agree and think that it is possible that is part of the reason why she is so upset, try to express to her that you still value your relationship and still want that friendship. Just because your time living together is ending 5 months, does not mean your friendship is ending that day either.
Even though she is not talking to you she can still hear you. So it might feel like you are talking to a wall, but at least she will know you still care. From there, the ball is in her court. You’re doing all you can. If she doesn’t tell you what’s up how can you make anything better? If you get no response here then I suggest point 2.
2. Leave it be. She appears to be too selfish to see past her nose. If she can’t understand that you are trying your best to do everything right, then I don’t think she deserves a friendship with someone so giving and considerate.
Now, I know point 2 is starting off pretty hard in the paint, but all I’m really suggesting is you keep on saying hello, and goodbye and being friendly. She may come around or she may not, but you can go to bed every night knowing you are being the bigger, better, kinder person. I’m sure sooner or later she will see the light and come around. Water cuts through rock not because of it’s strength, but because it is persistence. You might not be buddies in the coming months but perhaps she’ll grow by your example and you can work it out.
Regardless, you being kind to her shows that she’s not getting to you. People who give the silent treatment are looking for a reaction and she is clearly not getting one. So keep being home and enjoying your space. If she breaks her silence or not, you deserve to enjoy the comfort of your home.
I personally, want you to work it out because that is exactly what I would want in the same scenario. No one is perfect and they are your friend for a reason! You have a bond over something! BUT, we all know not all things are meant to last. Some relationships are valuable in that you learn a lot while in them, but in order to move forward and grow things have to end. This always so hard and so confusing, especially with platonic relationships. So if that is the outcome of this particular friendship, just know that nothing was a waste and you should be thankful for all the good times. Who knows, may some time apart will bring you back together even stronger.
So, I hope this was helpful and has given you some ideas on what to do next. I think, it’s all going to work out the way it is supposed to. If anything, you’ll just be more excited to move in with your boyfriend… and that’s not so bad?
If anyone else has a suggestion for this Frustrated Roommate please leave a comment below. We would both love to hear it.
With Love,

Butting In or Butting Out

Would you look at this! A clearly great mom, who is trying to be the best mom is looking for some advice from me, of all people.


“I’m so glad I found your blog! I’m actually the mom of 20s somethings and really need advice on how and when they may want advice from me! I know wait ‘til they ask, but what if I think it’s necessary and nobody asked? Thanks in advance for your perspective.”

Hi There,

I am so glad you have found my blog too! Thanks for your question, I hope I can be of help.

That being said, I think you are already on the right track. I think all moms want what is best for their children and you are no exception! So, when it comes to giving advice that was not asked for, it means that you are concerned for them or you think you know what is best for them. I am sure in most cases you do know what is best, since you have lived a fuller and longer life than your child. However, your life is, has, and will continue to be different from you child’s. So not every answer that you have found true for your life will be true for them.

In those moments, maybe take a second to think about your apprehension and why you want to speak up and offer advice. Is it because your child is choosing something that is currently socially acceptable, normal even healthy, but was something that would have be considered unacceptable in your youth? Is their decision hurting themselves or other people? Do you think they will be more or less unhappy? Is it immoral and unethical? (Fairly subjective depending on what you believe in.)

After asking yourself those questions, and you still feel the need to offer advice, that they are unsafe or metaphorically walking into the lion’s den, then go ahead butt in and offer advice. I cannot promise you that you will not butt heads, but your words will not fall on deaf ears. They will hear you, even if they do not want to. I am sure they will also be secretly thankful for the input.

Trust me on this one. My own lovely mother, would offer advice (butt in) when necessary, even if it wasn’t sought out. Sure, I was VERY annoyed, but I heard it and I may have even followed it after I chewed on her words a little longer. It was her suggestion, but my choice.

Which leads to my last piece of advice, trust yourself that you raised your 20s somethings to be capable adults, who will make the best decisions for their lives. Of course, they might stumble and fall but that is how they will learn what is true for them and their lives.

I hope that was helpful and offers some insight on how a 20s something might feel. If anyone else has a further suggestions, please let me and this momma know in the comments below.

With Love,


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Solicited Advice

Congrats and Welcome!  You have found this small piece of the internet now known as “Solicited Advice”!

Solicited Advice is an online advice column for your everyday awkward scenarios, problems, and conundrums. It never hurts to have a second opinion, with a dose of kindness and laughter.

I know you are probably wondering who is this weirdo, offering advice over the internet to strangers? Well, let me introduce myself. I am Stephanie, currently a young professional working and living in NYC. I currently work in the Fashion Industry, but lately I have been wondering if there is a way I can have more of a positive effect on the world around me? To help people just a little bit and maybe make them smile too. Especially, with all of the terrible recent current events.

So, I got to thinking, what am I good at and what do I like to do? When lead two to simple answers, 1. I want to help people and 2. I am good at giving advice. How do I know I am good at giving advice?.. Quite frankly, I have been told over and over again by my friends and I have to admit I agree. Granted, I really only “specialize” in the following: relationship and dating advice, beauty and simple health advice, fashion advice, friendship advice and roommate advice. BUT, I always try to put myself in someone else’s shoes, so if you have a question that falls out of those parameters. Lay it on me! I would love to help you out and learn something new in the process. Of course, please note I am not a professional just a regular person who is eager to help.

You can submit your questions via email to the below email address or you can submit your question through the contact page.

So starting sending and I’ll starting posting. Questions that are blogged about will be posted anonymously.

Let me know below what you would like to see out of blog like this? I am excited to see how this will grow.

With Love,